Choosing a virgin or an experienced lover

Wait to get married

This morning I opened the cupboard at my work once again to see 8 glasses and only one that appeared clean and clear. The rest of the glasses have hard water deposits and for some reason there is one crystal clear glass left and that is the one I always choose because it looks cleaner and I feel better drinking out of it.

Comparing the glasses and human behavior is not such a stretch in this case. Many kids really don't care that they have a girl or boyfriend that has had sex with many others. They feel that they can learn new things from their partners and that experience counts, yet most boys get very jealous if the girl begins to show interest in other boys by talking to them and many girls also get jealous. I have a gay friend that recently confessed to me that he has been having an affair with a married man and the man's wife does not know and my friend's partner of more than 20 years does not know. I have no idea why he would tell me about this unless he needed to tell someone in order to get it off his chest. I was very disappointed in him yet not surprised. Infidelity is all around us and it destroys relationships.

Most of us would choose the clean glass and avoid the dirty ones yet when it comes to people it does not seem to matter as much now. Think about it, choosing a virgin would be much wiser because there is less chance that they have been infected with a disease yet children seem to ignore these things and just do what feels good. If you are Christian then there is yet another point of view. You may choose the girl or guy that has been involved and repented of his or her old ways and began a new life. It is also important to get checked for sexually transmitted diseases in between partners to protect you and your future partners.

Many of the youth call us old fashioned when we try to tell them to wait to have sex until they get married and that they can form strong bonds and have a commitment with that person. They are full of energy and desire and don't feel they can wait. Most of the youth have been exposed to sex since they were very young with movies and the internet not to mention nude pictures on their siblings phones and such. Teaching them about God helps them avoid some bad choices although some religions instill fear into people that they will go to hell if they have sex out of marriage. Others just point out that doing such things moves you further away from God and destroys lasting relationships so you should avoid those things.

My daughter's friend told me that her group of friends started experimenting with sex when they were 12 and 13. When I was in Junior High we knew of two girls that would have sex with anyone and most of the other girls were virgins or kept their experiences very hush hush. Now in contrast you might be hard pressed to find one or two virgins in a Junior High school. What about all the young christian girls you ask? Well according to what my daughters tell me being christian does not really matter as much as apparently it used to matter.

With technology such as Skype young people often are encouraged to have video sex since it is much safer than the real thing although apparently skype is just the appetizer for them until they can get together later. Sexually active children have the desires that adults have yet they normally don't have the money or the emotional maturity to live in a healthy sexual relationship. They feel they can use the day after pill when they need it and they can get it from planned parenthood or other sources without much effort. I am surprised that many young people are not informed about birth control methods. My daughter told me that she was at church and one of the girls that is 15 did not know what a condom was and my daughter could not believe that this girl could not know. The home is where you should learn about these things. It is difficult for parents because some parents feel that educating children about birth control is in essence giving them permission to have sex. Other parents say that the kids will be doing it anyway so it is best to avoid them getting pregnant. This is a hard call that each parent needs to make.

I have also explained to my children (5) that if you have been intimate with someone that before you have sex with anyone else it is very important that you go to the clinic or doctor to have blood and urine tests done for sexually transmitted diseases. Doing this will assure you that you did not get anything from your last partner and that you won't be giving your next partner anything you don't know about. It is not realistic to trust someone's word that they have never had sex with anyone else and that they are clean. Sometimes the glass can appear clean and still be dirty. Get tested and if you are going to have sex outside of marriage then use birth control. If a condom is only 97 percent effective and then if you add foam to it and it becomes more effective then why not educate your children about these things. We recently watched a sex education program with our children and we learned that there are more methods available now than there used to be and the advice is wise advice. If you move on to your next partner and then end up giving them a transmittable disease how bad will you feel about it?

My wife believes if you buy condoms for a young person or if you put your daughter on the pill it is essentially like giving them permission to have sex which may be the case but not teaching them about these methods is also not wise. Other people disagree and say that these children are having sex anyway so we should have them be prepared rather than having them take the risks to get pregnant. I have a sister in law that got pregnant while she was on the pill and I have had other family members get pregnant even though they used condoms so it is best to teach children not to have sex with anyone until you are married and only have sex with someone that could financially take care of you and your future children. Sure this seems logical yet they are not thinking of the future. I understand that my children are different than I am. I know that they may not have the same beliefs that I have so I cannot expect them to follow the rules that I believe are right all the time.

My son's friend recently had a baby and the boy who got her pregnant sometimes comes around to her house and sometimes gives her a bit of money yet for the most part she spends her days taking care of her baby. She dropped out of school and then she got a job yet the money she makes at work will not even pay for daycare for a new born so she counts on family to tend the baby while she is at work. Now she wants to finish school but can't see how she could do it. She is able to get help watching her baby boy while she is at work but going to school would just be too much time away from her son. This same girl is undocumented and since she did not graduate from High School she does not qualify for the new program that President Obama implemented. As far as looks go, this girl could be a model she is that beautiful.

I have taught my children that Sex is a beautiful thing when used at the right time with the right person. Satan has a copy for everything that God has including sex. God gave us this gift not only for us to continue having children but also to bring us closer together to our spouse. When you have sex you can create a deep bond and connection with your lover. When you don't marry and you continue to use this God given gift improperly then there are sad consequences. Having a healthy sexual relationship outside of a sacred marriage commitment is not God's way. Some will argue that those that do not believe in God need not follow my way of thinking and that is true I would never force someone else to believe how I do yet taking God out of our schools and lives has hurt the country and destroyed relationships to a point where we need to bring him back into our hearts and by so doing we can begin to heal the country and ourselves.

Looking at porn or pornography also has affects on your relationships. Using porn as a substitute for a sacred sexual experience with your spouse will not build up your relationship and bring you closer. This type of behavior is destructive and will move families and people away from you rather than closer to you. Looking a so called perfect bodies makes it more difficult to be accepting of your spouse's not so perfect body hence not building up the relationship between the two of you but making a rift. Most churches teach that this type of behavior should be avoided and this type of thing is such a destraction that it can lead to breaking families apart and really messing up our minds.

So what is the solution you ask? Teaching them the reasons and benefits to waiting helps. Teaching them about the health risks also helps. I believe that teaching children about respect, relationships, sex, logic,birth control methods, consequences and human behavior are very important although I also feel we can't leave God out of the equation. I don't believe we should use the old type teachings of telling Children they will go to hell if they have sex outside of marriage but we should focus on teaching them about God's love and concern for each of us and how when we do these things that God is hurt and sad and disappointed in us. God wants us to be happy and for that reason gave us the 10 commandments in the Bible. These rules will help us not hinder us. Teaching them about these things will also help deter drug use. When it comes down to it, each child will make their own decisions and they will need to live with the consequences. Letting them know that we will continue to love them no matter what is very important. Letting them know that God will continue to love them no matter what is something we should not leave out. In a world where more people feel believing in God is foolish I continue to advise that we include God in our family life, teachings and practices.